Surviving Pregnancy Anxiety
Let’s get one thing straight: pregnancy is not all sunshine, rainbows, and glowing skin. Yeah, I said it. For many people, it's a confusing, emotional rollercoaster—and that’s just on a normal day. Throw in the anxiety that comes with carrying a tiny human, and it’s a whole other level of chaos.
As a millennial therapist who’s spent a lot of time talking to pregnant people about their mental health, I’ve heard it all. The pressure to be “calm and serene,” to “enjoy every moment,” or to “just relax” is exhausting. Spoiler alert: If you’re stressed out or anxious during pregnancy, you are not alone. And you are absolutely not a failure.
Let’s dive into what’s going on when you’re feeling like you can’t breathe, or like you’re about to have a mental breakdown because you can’t remember if you already locked the front door. Anxiety during pregnancy is way more common than people realize, and it’s often brushed off as “hormones.” Sure, hormones are playing a part, but let’s be real—they’re not the only thing at work here.
Why It Happens
First of all, pregnancy is a big deal. You’re growing a whole new human being (no small feat), and that comes with a lot of changes—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Add to that the societal pressure to be the “perfect” mom, and it’s no wonder anxiety starts creeping in.
Here’s the thing: the fear of the unknown is real. Your body is changing in ways you never expected, you’re trying to plan for a new life you’ve never experienced, and, oh yeah, you’re probably still trying to manage your regular life, too (work, relationships, etc.). You throw in the constant barrage of “advice” from well-meaning friends and family, and it’s a recipe for overwhelm.
The Physical and Emotional Side of Anxiety During Pregnancy
When we talk about anxiety, we often think of the mental effects, but anxiety during pregnancy can also show up in physical ways. Heart palpitations, muscle tension, stomach issues—your body is literally reacting to stress. It’s a vicious cycle: the more stressed you feel, the more your body reacts, which just makes the anxiety worse. Fun, right?
It’s not all in your head. Anxiety can have physical symptoms that are real and valid. You might be feeling nauseous, lightheaded, or constantly fatigued. And then the stress of thinking there’s something wrong with you (when really it’s just your body freaking out) makes it all worse.
The Big One: Anxiety About Birth
Okay, let’s talk about one of the biggest anxiety triggers during pregnancy—birth. The moment you’ve been told about for months (or years), and for many, it’s the source of a ton of stress.
Here’s the reality: the thought of giving birth can send anxiety through the roof. The unknowns of how it’ll go, the pain, the "what ifs"—it can feel like you’re about to run a marathon with no training. And if you’re like a lot of people, you’ve been fed a steady diet of worst-case scenarios, thanks to the endless horror stories from friends, the media, or your own brain spiraling.
But here’s something that needs to be said: It’s normal to be scared. It’s okay to have concerns about birth. Every person’s birth experience is different, and the truth is, it’s okay to not have everything figured out. There are so many unknowns, and that’s part of why birth can be such a big anxiety trigger.
If the thought of labor makes your stomach drop, you’re in good company. It’s a massive, life-changing experience, and feeling anxious or afraid is completely valid.
How to Cope (Without Losing Your Sh*t)
You didn’t ask for this level of anxiety, but you can learn to manage it. Here are some ways to get your feet back on solid ground:
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe: When your heart is racing and your mind is spiraling, stop everything. Seriously. Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths. It sounds simple, but it can actually shift your body out of panic mode.
Talk About It: This isn’t something you should be carrying alone. I don’t care how “together” you think you have to look. Talk to a therapist, your partner, or a friend who gets it. Anxiety thrives in silence, so speak up.
Prepare (Without Obsessing): While it’s natural to want to prepare for birth, obsessing over every detail can make your anxiety worse. Instead, focus on what you can control. Consider taking a prenatal class or talking to your doctor about what to expect. The more information you have, the less power the unknowns will hold over you.
Visualize a Calm Birth: This might sound a little woo-woo, but hear me out: visualization can be powerful. Picture a calm birth, one where you’re in control, and your body knows what to do. Yes, it’s an unpredictable experience, but taking a few moments each day to breathe and imagine a smooth labor can help shift your mindset.
Lean on Your Support System: Whether it’s a birth doula, your partner, or a close friend, make sure you have a support system you trust. They’re your advocates in the room, and having people who are there for you can help ease the anxiety of the big day.
Acknowledge the Fear (Then Let It Go): It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Fear doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. What matters is that you don’t let that fear control you. Acknowledge it, sit with it, and then let it go.
Stay in the Present: The more you focus on all the what-ifs, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel. Instead, take it one day at a time. Your pregnancy journey is unfolding, and you don’t have to predict every detail of what’s to come.
I want you to know this: feeling anxious during pregnancy is more common than you might think. You don’t need to apologize for it. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and scared. The journey is hard, and it’s okay to admit that. You’re not alone, and there are ways to manage those feelings.
So, take a deep breath (seriously), and give yourself some grace. You’ve got this.
Let’s take this journey together! Check out my website and book a free 15 minute consultation with me.
Jasmine Frazier, LMSW